what a weekend. serious soul-searching and so many new loves. so many past ones. so many loves transitioning from present to past. change.
I told a boy who I like that I have a crush on him tonight. yes, I put it out there, and it was, woo, like living, and guess what--it turned out pretty. he has a crush on me back--as lovely Ashleigh says: I'm living my truth.
and that I am, friends, though I muddle through quite a bit of un-truth in the process, working at finding that shining love in the middle.
anyway, NYC in September is quite eye-opening. I feel exactly the same this time as I did when I decided to go: that it is too much, that it clouds my thoughts. I love this place and it, like the vine that I can't get to stop coming through my fence and into my yard, is wrapped around my insides. and it always will be. but, i just can't do it right now. I want to be where I am right now, with my angel trumpets in my little bungalow in Houston. hurrah!
nyc, I loves you. and I love those who inspire me daily to find that which is true and beautiful.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Saturday, May 24, 2008
hair dryer warranties
I almost couldn't hold my hairdryer tonight because it was vibrating so much--it was seriously on its last legs. I got a new one.
As I slowly replace the things from my former life--and I call it that in my head--I find it easier to stop gripping the past. Sort of. It's like all this stuff that I miss is jumbled up and I can't really figure out what it is I miss the most, and really, do I miss it at all? Or is it just that now I have time to miss it, space mentally to think, is this all there is?
I was on facebook tonight, confirming some friend requests, and I longed for being in the city again, why, I don't know. I had a great dinner with some great girls tonight, and I really enjoyed the conversation. I got to drive home to MY house, and snuggle in my bed, but somehow, I still miss New York. Or...is it that I miss the sense that something great, something exciting, is just around the corner? In some sense, this is true--you might run into Dr. Ruth in that play in the little West Village theatre and tell her that you are her marketing manager on her human sexuality book (people other than Katie: yes, this really happened). But in another sense, you spend a lot of time anticipating in New York. Yes, just anticipating. Something. Great. Where is it?
And in the meantime: life happens. Shit, I don't know. Maybe it was great, and maybe I just wasn't ready then to be in it, in NYC. Maybe I can go back. I dont' know. I don't know. I do know that I am just sort of dealing with life right now. I sprained both of my ankles in about 8-9 weeks. And I asked a yoga teacher what she thought might be out of balance, and in her little book, she found something to the effect of: I am not able to experience pleasure in my life. Which is quite a revelation for a couple of reasons:
1. a couple of years ago, I would have almost called myself a minor hedonist.
2. shit! she's right! I've been working working working!
Do I need to get laid? Or just lighten the f**k up? I don't know. I do know that I am basically broke and still need to get my financial shit together. So I will do that and work and then re-assess. But I do think I am a city girl, like a walking, talking, interacting with people city girl. I may move somewhere crazy next, though, like f'ing Warsaw. Who knows.
And where the hell is Xander? He sent me a birthday card and now he's fallen off the face of the planet again. I would like to say I don't care, but I feel so lacking in closure that I do care, dammit, and it's so weird to have gotten on a plane after a blow-out fight and never have come to terms with it all. Did i really go to Europe last year? Did I have a relationship with a Dutch special forces NCO? Did it go south pretty quickly? did he stop speaking to me in the evenings when he came home? did I run the same route three times a week around the horse pasture and over the little waterways? How about watching the BBC home shows everyday after Xander went to work? Did that happen too? What about shopping in the grocery store with my little shopping list, translated into Dutch and into metric. did he play his f'ing video game every Saturday morning for three hours while I smoldered and wanted to scream because I had nowhere to go besides that f'ing running route and the strange grocery store where I couldn't get some screaming chocolate chip cookies? and did he really shut me out like I wasn't there? did he? he did. All of that happened. so why can I not move the fuck on?
Iyengar says that feelings only become emotions when we dwell on them and let them become emotions. That feelings pass-we simply hold onto them too long and then they become emotions. I am trying really hard to let go, to let it pass. And I'm making progress! I am.
In the meantime, I will throw out my old hairdryer.
As I slowly replace the things from my former life--and I call it that in my head--I find it easier to stop gripping the past. Sort of. It's like all this stuff that I miss is jumbled up and I can't really figure out what it is I miss the most, and really, do I miss it at all? Or is it just that now I have time to miss it, space mentally to think, is this all there is?
I was on facebook tonight, confirming some friend requests, and I longed for being in the city again, why, I don't know. I had a great dinner with some great girls tonight, and I really enjoyed the conversation. I got to drive home to MY house, and snuggle in my bed, but somehow, I still miss New York. Or...is it that I miss the sense that something great, something exciting, is just around the corner? In some sense, this is true--you might run into Dr. Ruth in that play in the little West Village theatre and tell her that you are her marketing manager on her human sexuality book (people other than Katie: yes, this really happened). But in another sense, you spend a lot of time anticipating in New York. Yes, just anticipating. Something. Great. Where is it?
And in the meantime: life happens. Shit, I don't know. Maybe it was great, and maybe I just wasn't ready then to be in it, in NYC. Maybe I can go back. I dont' know. I don't know. I do know that I am just sort of dealing with life right now. I sprained both of my ankles in about 8-9 weeks. And I asked a yoga teacher what she thought might be out of balance, and in her little book, she found something to the effect of: I am not able to experience pleasure in my life. Which is quite a revelation for a couple of reasons:
1. a couple of years ago, I would have almost called myself a minor hedonist.
2. shit! she's right! I've been working working working!
Do I need to get laid? Or just lighten the f**k up? I don't know. I do know that I am basically broke and still need to get my financial shit together. So I will do that and work and then re-assess. But I do think I am a city girl, like a walking, talking, interacting with people city girl. I may move somewhere crazy next, though, like f'ing Warsaw. Who knows.
And where the hell is Xander? He sent me a birthday card and now he's fallen off the face of the planet again. I would like to say I don't care, but I feel so lacking in closure that I do care, dammit, and it's so weird to have gotten on a plane after a blow-out fight and never have come to terms with it all. Did i really go to Europe last year? Did I have a relationship with a Dutch special forces NCO? Did it go south pretty quickly? did he stop speaking to me in the evenings when he came home? did I run the same route three times a week around the horse pasture and over the little waterways? How about watching the BBC home shows everyday after Xander went to work? Did that happen too? What about shopping in the grocery store with my little shopping list, translated into Dutch and into metric. did he play his f'ing video game every Saturday morning for three hours while I smoldered and wanted to scream because I had nowhere to go besides that f'ing running route and the strange grocery store where I couldn't get some screaming chocolate chip cookies? and did he really shut me out like I wasn't there? did he? he did. All of that happened. so why can I not move the fuck on?
Iyengar says that feelings only become emotions when we dwell on them and let them become emotions. That feelings pass-we simply hold onto them too long and then they become emotions. I am trying really hard to let go, to let it pass. And I'm making progress! I am.
In the meantime, I will throw out my old hairdryer.
Monday, April 28, 2008
another day of
feeling ungrounded. the usual stuff, but today it's probably due in no small part to an evening of "bellinis" at Berryhill, which is their name for some frozen concoction of peach and vodka. This joint is crazy on Sunday afternoons, complete debauchery. And I blame it all on Albert, who dragged me there.
anyway, regardless of hangover/lack of man in my life to cuddle, I am buoyed by my gorgeous angel trumpet trees, which are in bloom again. And in the evening they smell divine. Divine! I love these trees so much that I had to take some photos! Enjoy...
anyway, regardless of hangover/lack of man in my life to cuddle, I am buoyed by my gorgeous angel trumpet trees, which are in bloom again. And in the evening they smell divine. Divine! I love these trees so much that I had to take some photos! Enjoy...
Saturday, April 26, 2008
now that enough time has passed
I can say: when I broke it off with Eddie (for the second time), many of you know that he took back the "gift" he bought me for my birthday. I suppose it was a conditional "gift", that I could only have if we were dating. He even took it (the hammock!) back by trespassing onto my property in the middle of the night WHILE I WAS SLEEPING. I think perhaps this was the most insane breakup story I've had yet. So, I don't have a hammock, but I do have an Eddie-free life, which I think is best in the end.
So, Eddie. I had a rough day at work yesterday and was looking forward to some yoga. I went to Joy Yoga here in H-town, and damned if I didn't see his bloody SUV in the parking lot. I still think, no, he's only into Ashtanga, why would he stoop to this level? And I climb the stairs, see him in line to get into the studio, and I have never turned on my heel so quickly in my life. So swift was my decision NOT to interact with him again!!! What the f, man? He's invading my yoga space, too! And I have no hammock! Lisa decided that he is likely dating someone who goes to Joy, and I think that is a good assumption. Man, he moves quickly. Well, good for him. I shall just have to be on the lookout.
Another Eddie-related event was when I went to Joshua Tree National Park. I don't think I ever posted photos from that trip, so here are a couple...
There you have it.
So am going through the New to a City and Feeling a Little Lonely vibe. I know it's silly, and I have everything I need inside of me, etc etc. and I'm a yogi so I should know better, but...it's always a challenge. Tonight was walking into grocery store and a car drove by with a crying baby in back. That alone should reassure me that my life ROCKS.
Made a delicious concoction tonight of condensed milk and spices, can't wait to put it in some tea tomorrow AM and read the Times on my porch...yum yum.
So, Eddie. I had a rough day at work yesterday and was looking forward to some yoga. I went to Joy Yoga here in H-town, and damned if I didn't see his bloody SUV in the parking lot. I still think, no, he's only into Ashtanga, why would he stoop to this level? And I climb the stairs, see him in line to get into the studio, and I have never turned on my heel so quickly in my life. So swift was my decision NOT to interact with him again!!! What the f, man? He's invading my yoga space, too! And I have no hammock! Lisa decided that he is likely dating someone who goes to Joy, and I think that is a good assumption. Man, he moves quickly. Well, good for him. I shall just have to be on the lookout.
Another Eddie-related event was when I went to Joshua Tree National Park. I don't think I ever posted photos from that trip, so here are a couple...
There you have it.
So am going through the New to a City and Feeling a Little Lonely vibe. I know it's silly, and I have everything I need inside of me, etc etc. and I'm a yogi so I should know better, but...it's always a challenge. Tonight was walking into grocery store and a car drove by with a crying baby in back. That alone should reassure me that my life ROCKS.
Made a delicious concoction tonight of condensed milk and spices, can't wait to put it in some tea tomorrow AM and read the Times on my porch...yum yum.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
warmth
got back from more ridiculous travels this week--Pittsburgh/NYC/Atlanta. My friends Greta (we met in Chicago and now she lives in Ft. Worth) and Michelle (still lives in Chicago) came to town on Friday evening, and we spent the weekend together. It was a blast...Friday night at El Tiempo with the gang, then to a (terrible) bar named Kobain (yes, like Kurt, but bastardized) around the corner...where a 24-year-old heir to the Zatarain dirty rice empire and I chatted it up (a friend of Nick's). Michelle is a whiz with the inflatable mattress. Without her, and after the margaritas, we would have been sharing a bed.
The next day was a lot of chatting on the porch and then lunch at Onion Creek, after which we headed to the International Fest. It was almost hot. Ok, it was hot. And there was a stand selling deep-fried pizza. Really. There was. The highlight of the festival was the Hare Krishnas chanting and playing their drums. They were quite amazing! They say that just hearing the mantra uplifts you, and I truly believe it did.
A glass of wine on the patio at Benjy's, gazing over the razed lot next door toward the Walgreen's--lovely. Then home to gaze at that hot guy's bod in Little Children. Phew! Dinner at Dolce Vita with Zeke (birthday boy!), Karen, their friend Jennifer. Very delicious, and great company--and we extended it by going across the street to So Vino for some more wine (like we needed it) and some s'mores, sterno cans and all.
Today, more chatting, and breakfast at Brasil before taking Michelle to the airport. I have to say, it's a bit lonely and quiet around here without the girls! They were so cute, and we never ran out of anything to talk about! We talked everything into the ground...
And houston...it is becoming more like home every day. And it's so good to be home and not leaving town this week. I feel good. Really good--and it's all because I am making good decisions for myself. There are some things that still need to be sorted out, but I am on the right track! yeah!!
The next day was a lot of chatting on the porch and then lunch at Onion Creek, after which we headed to the International Fest. It was almost hot. Ok, it was hot. And there was a stand selling deep-fried pizza. Really. There was. The highlight of the festival was the Hare Krishnas chanting and playing their drums. They were quite amazing! They say that just hearing the mantra uplifts you, and I truly believe it did.
A glass of wine on the patio at Benjy's, gazing over the razed lot next door toward the Walgreen's--lovely. Then home to gaze at that hot guy's bod in Little Children. Phew! Dinner at Dolce Vita with Zeke (birthday boy!), Karen, their friend Jennifer. Very delicious, and great company--and we extended it by going across the street to So Vino for some more wine (like we needed it) and some s'mores, sterno cans and all.
Today, more chatting, and breakfast at Brasil before taking Michelle to the airport. I have to say, it's a bit lonely and quiet around here without the girls! They were so cute, and we never ran out of anything to talk about! We talked everything into the ground...
And houston...it is becoming more like home every day. And it's so good to be home and not leaving town this week. I feel good. Really good--and it's all because I am making good decisions for myself. There are some things that still need to be sorted out, but I am on the right track! yeah!!
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
nasty travel stories
forgot to say that en route to Georgetown U last week in a cab, the cabbie was clipping his fingernails AS WE DROVE. Nasty.
anyway, am in Pittsburgh airport now waiting to head to Newark airport (delayed, of course). my eyeballs have that dry feeling they always have in the afternoon, and even more so when I travel. I actually enjoyed visiting the U of Pittsburgh and Carnegie Mellon U, it was nice to walk around and be in a very urban campus environment. Dinner at PF Changs last night, but hey, they have tofu. Had to switch rooms at the Marriott Courtyard b/c my handicapped room smelled like urine. I'm not kidding. Perhaps my senses are heightened because I travel too much, but hey, that's also nasty.
anyway, am in Pittsburgh airport now waiting to head to Newark airport (delayed, of course). my eyeballs have that dry feeling they always have in the afternoon, and even more so when I travel. I actually enjoyed visiting the U of Pittsburgh and Carnegie Mellon U, it was nice to walk around and be in a very urban campus environment. Dinner at PF Changs last night, but hey, they have tofu. Had to switch rooms at the Marriott Courtyard b/c my handicapped room smelled like urine. I'm not kidding. Perhaps my senses are heightened because I travel too much, but hey, that's also nasty.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
kansas city
ok, let's do the itinerary of cities since, say, last Thursday:
Houston, TX
Santa Monica, CA
Laguna Beach, CA
Houston, TX (for 9 hours, I'm not kidding)
Chicago, IL
Washington, DC
Kansas City, MO
And here I am in Kansas City. In my 3rd Marriott hotel of the week. Treated myself to an infiniti at the enterprise counter, and a GPS unit. I know how to live!!
Presenting the same thing 6 times tomorrow. Also not kidding about this. I hope I shall know my name after I am finished.
Will post some photos from California soon. Went for Jason and Susie's wedding...which gave me hope that two people can truly find love today. I was beginning to wonder...but was okay with that, too. I think?
Houston, TX
Santa Monica, CA
Laguna Beach, CA
Houston, TX (for 9 hours, I'm not kidding)
Chicago, IL
Washington, DC
Kansas City, MO
And here I am in Kansas City. In my 3rd Marriott hotel of the week. Treated myself to an infiniti at the enterprise counter, and a GPS unit. I know how to live!!
Presenting the same thing 6 times tomorrow. Also not kidding about this. I hope I shall know my name after I am finished.
Will post some photos from California soon. Went for Jason and Susie's wedding...which gave me hope that two people can truly find love today. I was beginning to wonder...but was okay with that, too. I think?
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
P.S.
I was just skimming over some entries from Europe, and damned if I didn't ignore what was happening with Xander!!! Good God! I think I'm going to have to go back and put a little commentary in on what was happening so that I can remember before it's gone and all I have to read is the bullshit "good" stuff. somebody remind me to do that. Annoushka?
reflecting
So my 33rd birthday is tomorrow...
!!!
What the hell?
You know what feels the absolute f'ing best? That this time last year I was crossing the days I had to work at McGraw-Hill and live in my situation (meaning, now I look back, in NYC...how I didn't know it was so bad for me...) OFF A CALENDAR. I was COUNTING THEM DOWN!! How sad, and how not living in the moment. I was doing my mantra sadhana to Ganesh, the great remover of obstacles, just hoping the little elephant god could help me out. If it was Ganesh or not, things sure did get moved out of my way--maybe by me, maybe not.
I also got this email this week from a company in Barcelona that rents out apartments, both short-term and long-term, in the Born area there. It was so strange to be looking on their site and I was taken--whoosh!--right back to sitting on my bed at 107 Christopher (Gawd, writing that was weird, too...), cross-legged, travel books spread around me, while Ann and Matt watched TV in the living room. Planning like a mad woman because that's what I had to do to get out of the present moment! Bad! Bad!
So, now I'm not counting my days away--I'm living them. It's like a slow reawakening, I mean I go through days when I am lonely, and I long for the deafening roar of Manhattan that drowns out any thought of your own, certainly at the very least any thought of loneliness. I think that's the hardest thing about leaving the city, you really have to face yourself. Helloooo, Sarah. You are a weirdo.
It's funny, you know, I seem to really be processing my yoga teachings so much better here. Or paying more attention? Maybe that's part of the quiet thing--you have the space.
Speaking of yoga...that's another thing that was happening this time last year. I was in yoga school...aka love school by those of us lucky enough to have been involved. It was the beginning of the unfurling of that famous, elusive heart chakra of mine, that I am still working on. Yoga, yoga--what would I be doing now without it? Shoot, certainly not sitting on my OWN couch in my OWN craftsman bungalow, listening to my girl Ms. Erykah Badu tellin' it like it is.
Erykah. Another thing that brings me back to earth. I love me some Erykah. Baduizm is my album. That woman is amazing.
I am drifting astray as I wait for my little yellow kettle to whistle. I feel like I'm supposed to say something profound as I head into my 33rd year in this body. Let's just say that things are much, much better for me now than they were last year. I had great friends, and still do, but I was just
there goes the kettle
where was I? oh, I was lost and looking for some guidance. Externally I think. Well, shoot, I know now that it's all inside of me. It ain't in these places, which I previously suspected it might be:
1. Holland
2. 2nd Floor Bloomingdales (Lex location, not SoHo--CERTAINLY not there)
3. Men's pants
4. Burritoville (holla, friends at Bleecker St. location! I'll pour a little tea out in memory of the holy mole with refried beans, tofu sour cream, and a whole wheat tortilla)
5. At the bottom of my glass of Malbec
6. On the menu at 'intoteca (though, damn, their cheese plate is amazing!!)
Katie Stevens, I know you will take issue with point number two. Annoushka, you might take issue with point #3, though as of late, you may agree with me. Ann Varanakis, you may take issue with number 4, and just about everyone I know will take issue with #5. None of you will disagree with #1. And I think a good portion of you will have to go to 'inoteca tomorrow night to prove me wrong on point #6.
That's the wisdom for the week. A long-ass entry.
For those of you who are wondering about the table and/or the miserable entry from last week:
1. The table is being delivered Friday, though I still owe a decent amount of money on it. Likely enough to feed a small nation for a month.
2. I have been feeling better about Eddie, as we are going to have lunch on Friday. What will come of it, I really don't know. All I know is I like having him in my life and felt bummed without him. So, we shall see!
Peace out, friends. I look forward to the large and impressively-priced gifts that you have all sent via FedEx to arrive on my doorstep tomorrow. I sure hope that somebody had the forethought to send me a set of six Emeco chairs for my new table.
Happy B-day to me!
!!!
What the hell?
You know what feels the absolute f'ing best? That this time last year I was crossing the days I had to work at McGraw-Hill and live in my situation (meaning, now I look back, in NYC...how I didn't know it was so bad for me...) OFF A CALENDAR. I was COUNTING THEM DOWN!! How sad, and how not living in the moment. I was doing my mantra sadhana to Ganesh, the great remover of obstacles, just hoping the little elephant god could help me out. If it was Ganesh or not, things sure did get moved out of my way--maybe by me, maybe not.
I also got this email this week from a company in Barcelona that rents out apartments, both short-term and long-term, in the Born area there. It was so strange to be looking on their site and I was taken--whoosh!--right back to sitting on my bed at 107 Christopher (Gawd, writing that was weird, too...), cross-legged, travel books spread around me, while Ann and Matt watched TV in the living room. Planning like a mad woman because that's what I had to do to get out of the present moment! Bad! Bad!
So, now I'm not counting my days away--I'm living them. It's like a slow reawakening, I mean I go through days when I am lonely, and I long for the deafening roar of Manhattan that drowns out any thought of your own, certainly at the very least any thought of loneliness. I think that's the hardest thing about leaving the city, you really have to face yourself. Helloooo, Sarah. You are a weirdo.
It's funny, you know, I seem to really be processing my yoga teachings so much better here. Or paying more attention? Maybe that's part of the quiet thing--you have the space.
Speaking of yoga...that's another thing that was happening this time last year. I was in yoga school...aka love school by those of us lucky enough to have been involved. It was the beginning of the unfurling of that famous, elusive heart chakra of mine, that I am still working on. Yoga, yoga--what would I be doing now without it? Shoot, certainly not sitting on my OWN couch in my OWN craftsman bungalow, listening to my girl Ms. Erykah Badu tellin' it like it is.
Erykah. Another thing that brings me back to earth. I love me some Erykah. Baduizm is my album. That woman is amazing.
I am drifting astray as I wait for my little yellow kettle to whistle. I feel like I'm supposed to say something profound as I head into my 33rd year in this body. Let's just say that things are much, much better for me now than they were last year. I had great friends, and still do, but I was just
there goes the kettle
where was I? oh, I was lost and looking for some guidance. Externally I think. Well, shoot, I know now that it's all inside of me. It ain't in these places, which I previously suspected it might be:
1. Holland
2. 2nd Floor Bloomingdales (Lex location, not SoHo--CERTAINLY not there)
3. Men's pants
4. Burritoville (holla, friends at Bleecker St. location! I'll pour a little tea out in memory of the holy mole with refried beans, tofu sour cream, and a whole wheat tortilla)
5. At the bottom of my glass of Malbec
6. On the menu at 'intoteca (though, damn, their cheese plate is amazing!!)
Katie Stevens, I know you will take issue with point number two. Annoushka, you might take issue with point #3, though as of late, you may agree with me. Ann Varanakis, you may take issue with number 4, and just about everyone I know will take issue with #5. None of you will disagree with #1. And I think a good portion of you will have to go to 'inoteca tomorrow night to prove me wrong on point #6.
That's the wisdom for the week. A long-ass entry.
For those of you who are wondering about the table and/or the miserable entry from last week:
1. The table is being delivered Friday, though I still owe a decent amount of money on it. Likely enough to feed a small nation for a month.
2. I have been feeling better about Eddie, as we are going to have lunch on Friday. What will come of it, I really don't know. All I know is I like having him in my life and felt bummed without him. So, we shall see!
Peace out, friends. I look forward to the large and impressively-priced gifts that you have all sent via FedEx to arrive on my doorstep tomorrow. I sure hope that somebody had the forethought to send me a set of six Emeco chairs for my new table.
Happy B-day to me!
Thursday, March 13, 2008
melancholy
so much to say, but so little determination...just came out the other end of a hot and heavy romance that really didn't go the way either of us wanted. I just wasn't ready for where it was going, and so I broke it off completely. I was not in the place that he was, and so I thought it only fair to let him be free to find someone who was. The truth is, I do miss him very much, but I don't know what else I could have done. I was worried that if I said let's date casually, that it would only lead to him getting hurt, and I care enough about him (already) that I don't want to do this to him. But damn, it sucks.
Last week I went to Palm Springs for work, and he came to meet me for some time in Joshua Tree Nat'l Park over the weekend. Great stuff...here's just one photo of the amazing place that it was...
Then I f'ing sprained my ankle on Monday (again). What a bummer. So, kind of a crap week.
If you read this, know that if you are texting me at my old number, I'm not getting it--my phone is (temporarily I hope) dead...so call me and my new number is on my old voicemail...or drop me a line. Miss everyone.
xo
Sunday, February 17, 2008
goo gone is amazing!
I tripped on a candle when I walked out of yoga the other night, and of course, I was wearing my brand-new, ridiculously expensive lululemon pants. That's right, wax all the way up the leg. FANTASTIC! I'm so rad.
So I had frozen the things, picked at the wax, it was seeming futile, I was using "avoidance" as a strategy to deal with the fact that I might have ruined my pants. But it was nagging away at me, in the back of my mind. I decided that desperate times called for desperate measures, and I went to Walgreens for some Goo Gone, based on some internet advice delivered by my (always uber-helpful) mum.
Sprayed it on the wax, waited a minute, and that shit WIPED RIGHT OFF! I'm not kidding!! Ladies, gentlemen, do not delay, run out and buy yourselves a bottle of this miracle product immediatamente! All that wax that you spilled on your rug when you drunkenly stumbled into your Pier One Patchouli candle...it can be removed lickety-split. Go! Now!
Anyhoo...as I promised, here are some photos of my newly fabulous house. And my (ok, soon to be my) table...enjoy, lovelies!
So I had frozen the things, picked at the wax, it was seeming futile, I was using "avoidance" as a strategy to deal with the fact that I might have ruined my pants. But it was nagging away at me, in the back of my mind. I decided that desperate times called for desperate measures, and I went to Walgreens for some Goo Gone, based on some internet advice delivered by my (always uber-helpful) mum.
Sprayed it on the wax, waited a minute, and that shit WIPED RIGHT OFF! I'm not kidding!! Ladies, gentlemen, do not delay, run out and buy yourselves a bottle of this miracle product immediatamente! All that wax that you spilled on your rug when you drunkenly stumbled into your Pier One Patchouli candle...it can be removed lickety-split. Go! Now!
Anyhoo...as I promised, here are some photos of my newly fabulous house. And my (ok, soon to be my) table...enjoy, lovelies!
Monday, February 11, 2008
I got a nail in my tire
dear liza, dear liza...and it cost me $350!!! Good night. That's what you get for having a mini with ride flat tires. Those darn Germans.
Also, I dropped a crapload (or promised to drop a crapload, I *only* put $1000 down yesterday) on a rad table at this local freaking kickass joint, Installations Antiques. This Dutch guy, Jur, and his gal, Becky, own this warehouse and they travel all over the globe buying antiques. OK, maybe not the globe, but at least Germany (those Germans again), Belgium, Holland, etc. There are those Dutch again. Can't get away!!!
Anyway, Jur makes custom furntiure that is like crack cocaine. Once you get a taste, you can't get enough. So I put a down payment on this crunk table with a custom cedar top and an Eames base. Annoushka, if you are reading this, you will pass out when you see it. Promise.
But the bright side is that I spent $43 last weekend on going out. $43!!!!
Anthony Bourdain eats some disgusting shit.
Also, I dropped a crapload (or promised to drop a crapload, I *only* put $1000 down yesterday) on a rad table at this local freaking kickass joint, Installations Antiques. This Dutch guy, Jur, and his gal, Becky, own this warehouse and they travel all over the globe buying antiques. OK, maybe not the globe, but at least Germany (those Germans again), Belgium, Holland, etc. There are those Dutch again. Can't get away!!!
Anyway, Jur makes custom furntiure that is like crack cocaine. Once you get a taste, you can't get enough. So I put a down payment on this crunk table with a custom cedar top and an Eames base. Annoushka, if you are reading this, you will pass out when you see it. Promise.
But the bright side is that I spent $43 last weekend on going out. $43!!!!
Anthony Bourdain eats some disgusting shit.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
match.com vs. my state of mind
so I got on match.com...why, I don't know. But I suppose I thought maybe that was what I was supposed to do--meet and socialize with men.
So I did it. And the first guy I talked to turned out to be a total wierdo, all hippied-out, needy, and wanting me to not be the career woman I am.
And, darn it, it's time for me to put myself first. I spent the better part of last year putting a man first, and now I am going to stop.
I want to focus on me, on work (I love my job), on yoga (it saved/s me), and on my house. That is it. It is time for me to introduce myself back to myself. Hello, Sarah! Goodbye, men. At least for this week.
So I did it. And the first guy I talked to turned out to be a total wierdo, all hippied-out, needy, and wanting me to not be the career woman I am.
And, darn it, it's time for me to put myself first. I spent the better part of last year putting a man first, and now I am going to stop.
I want to focus on me, on work (I love my job), on yoga (it saved/s me), and on my house. That is it. It is time for me to introduce myself back to myself. Hello, Sarah! Goodbye, men. At least for this week.
Monday, January 28, 2008
drunk emailing
...so a couple of weeks ago, after a little too much wine at my new friend Ralph's house (he cooked me Cornish hens!!!), I opened up my little PowerBook and emailed Xander, basically giving him what for--why should we be friends all of a sudden, when he didn't deem me worthy of conversation when I was LIVING WITH HIM?
Well, of course, when I woke up the next morning with a red wine headache and an 8 AM ticket to New Orleans, i saw the evidence: the PowerBook sitting open in my office. Oh , no, the drunk email. Forget the drunk dial, the drunk text: I even found a way to drunk something my ex in HOLLAND. Pathetique, as Carlise would say.
But now, you know, I'm glad I did. He sent me back his usual, you were distant too, let's all be buddy buddy now, you're great, I'm not an asshole, etc etc. And i sat on it for a couple of weeks...and tonight, I was listening to one of the good things that came out of my Holland stint: Arrow Jazz FM. It's a delightful station, really, and it proves that there ARE cool people in Rotterdam, though I wouldn't know it, as X didn't want to leave Spijkenisse, where ladies with bad bleach jobs and perma-tans on bicycles try to take out pedestrians for sport, especially ones they suspect might be Americans living in sin with a Dutch Green Beret.
And, on Arrow Jazz tonight, they were playing "You Were Always on My Mind". And that was it. I lost it. Cried. Sobbed, really. And wrote Mr. Green Beret back that I could not, would not, be his friend. I am heartbroken. I truly am. I mourn for all the things I hoped we were, that I hoped we could be. Could those things ever really happen? Maybe not. But isn't that what we mourn, the POSSIBILITY of happiness with another? I don't know if maybe I have been trying to convince myself that I was not sad, that I didn't leave a bit of me behind in Holland, in that sordid little apartment in which I cooked, cleaned, did laundry, translated f'ing shopping lists into Dutch, maintained my home yoga practice, and blogged as if my life depended on it. My lifeline to the world.
There's this line in an Everything but the Girl song: how much of yourself do you give away after someone's left your life in disarray? I feel like I gave a lot of myself to this summer, to Holland, to Spain, to Italy, to Belgium, to Germany, to Xander. Maybe the way to look at it is that I gave away the bad bits, the parts of myself that I needed to give away...like one major-ass, 3-month long spinal twist (for the yogis), just detoxing the crap out of my soul. And I needed to leave Xander behind, too--and now I am doing so. He's a relic of my former self, the self who did things just to distract from my unhappiness.
Ah, drunk emailing. Yeah for sober blogging.
To bed--am off to College Station tomorrow to observe clickers in action and to talk to some unsuspecting freshmen about marketing. more soon, promise--including photos of my slowly coming together house for those who have been asking...xo
Well, of course, when I woke up the next morning with a red wine headache and an 8 AM ticket to New Orleans, i saw the evidence: the PowerBook sitting open in my office. Oh , no, the drunk email. Forget the drunk dial, the drunk text: I even found a way to drunk something my ex in HOLLAND. Pathetique, as Carlise would say.
But now, you know, I'm glad I did. He sent me back his usual, you were distant too, let's all be buddy buddy now, you're great, I'm not an asshole, etc etc. And i sat on it for a couple of weeks...and tonight, I was listening to one of the good things that came out of my Holland stint: Arrow Jazz FM. It's a delightful station, really, and it proves that there ARE cool people in Rotterdam, though I wouldn't know it, as X didn't want to leave Spijkenisse, where ladies with bad bleach jobs and perma-tans on bicycles try to take out pedestrians for sport, especially ones they suspect might be Americans living in sin with a Dutch Green Beret.
And, on Arrow Jazz tonight, they were playing "You Were Always on My Mind". And that was it. I lost it. Cried. Sobbed, really. And wrote Mr. Green Beret back that I could not, would not, be his friend. I am heartbroken. I truly am. I mourn for all the things I hoped we were, that I hoped we could be. Could those things ever really happen? Maybe not. But isn't that what we mourn, the POSSIBILITY of happiness with another? I don't know if maybe I have been trying to convince myself that I was not sad, that I didn't leave a bit of me behind in Holland, in that sordid little apartment in which I cooked, cleaned, did laundry, translated f'ing shopping lists into Dutch, maintained my home yoga practice, and blogged as if my life depended on it. My lifeline to the world.
There's this line in an Everything but the Girl song: how much of yourself do you give away after someone's left your life in disarray? I feel like I gave a lot of myself to this summer, to Holland, to Spain, to Italy, to Belgium, to Germany, to Xander. Maybe the way to look at it is that I gave away the bad bits, the parts of myself that I needed to give away...like one major-ass, 3-month long spinal twist (for the yogis), just detoxing the crap out of my soul. And I needed to leave Xander behind, too--and now I am doing so. He's a relic of my former self, the self who did things just to distract from my unhappiness.
Ah, drunk emailing. Yeah for sober blogging.
To bed--am off to College Station tomorrow to observe clickers in action and to talk to some unsuspecting freshmen about marketing. more soon, promise--including photos of my slowly coming together house for those who have been asking...xo
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Oil town
realize I've been remiss in posting, sorry. much to say, but I'll make a few points for now:
1. I've been the owner of 1015 Peddie for exactly one month!
2. I have painted both the living/dining/kitchen a gorgeous mushroom color and my bedroom an interesting green/gray.
3. I have a couch and a new Krups coffee maker.
4. Houston needs me to inject some NYC vibe. Do I open a sexy, small, swank bar here soon?
5. I need to teach yoga here. How to find the time/overcome my insecurities?
off to coffee shop to learn software for my presentation in Thibodeaux tomorrow. jealous?
1. I've been the owner of 1015 Peddie for exactly one month!
2. I have painted both the living/dining/kitchen a gorgeous mushroom color and my bedroom an interesting green/gray.
3. I have a couch and a new Krups coffee maker.
4. Houston needs me to inject some NYC vibe. Do I open a sexy, small, swank bar here soon?
5. I need to teach yoga here. How to find the time/overcome my insecurities?
off to coffee shop to learn software for my presentation in Thibodeaux tomorrow. jealous?
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