reflecting

So my 33rd birthday is tomorrow...

!!!

What the hell?

You know what feels the absolute f'ing best? That this time last year I was crossing the days I had to work at McGraw-Hill and live in my situation (meaning, now I look back, in NYC...how I didn't know it was so bad for me...) OFF A CALENDAR. I was COUNTING THEM DOWN!! How sad, and how not living in the moment. I was doing my mantra sadhana to Ganesh, the great remover of obstacles, just hoping the little elephant god could help me out. If it was Ganesh or not, things sure did get moved out of my way--maybe by me, maybe not.

I also got this email this week from a company in Barcelona that rents out apartments, both short-term and long-term, in the Born area there. It was so strange to be looking on their site and I was taken--whoosh!--right back to sitting on my bed at 107 Christopher (Gawd, writing that was weird, too...), cross-legged, travel books spread around me, while Ann and Matt watched TV in the living room. Planning like a mad woman because that's what I had to do to get out of the present moment! Bad! Bad!

So, now I'm not counting my days away--I'm living them. It's like a slow reawakening, I mean I go through days when I am lonely, and I long for the deafening roar of Manhattan that drowns out any thought of your own, certainly at the very least any thought of loneliness. I think that's the hardest thing about leaving the city, you really have to face yourself. Helloooo, Sarah. You are a weirdo.

It's funny, you know, I seem to really be processing my yoga teachings so much better here. Or paying more attention? Maybe that's part of the quiet thing--you have the space.

Speaking of yoga...that's another thing that was happening this time last year. I was in yoga school...aka love school by those of us lucky enough to have been involved. It was the beginning of the unfurling of that famous, elusive heart chakra of mine, that I am still working on. Yoga, yoga--what would I be doing now without it? Shoot, certainly not sitting on my OWN couch in my OWN craftsman bungalow, listening to my girl Ms. Erykah Badu tellin' it like it is.

Erykah. Another thing that brings me back to earth. I love me some Erykah. Baduizm is my album. That woman is amazing.

I am drifting astray as I wait for my little yellow kettle to whistle. I feel like I'm supposed to say something profound as I head into my 33rd year in this body. Let's just say that things are much, much better for me now than they were last year. I had great friends, and still do, but I was just

there goes the kettle

where was I? oh, I was lost and looking for some guidance. Externally I think. Well, shoot, I know now that it's all inside of me. It ain't in these places, which I previously suspected it might be:

1. Holland
2. 2nd Floor Bloomingdales (Lex location, not SoHo--CERTAINLY not there)
3. Men's pants
4. Burritoville (holla, friends at Bleecker St. location! I'll pour a little tea out in memory of the holy mole with refried beans, tofu sour cream, and a whole wheat tortilla)
5. At the bottom of my glass of Malbec
6. On the menu at 'intoteca (though, damn, their cheese plate is amazing!!)

Katie Stevens, I know you will take issue with point number two. Annoushka, you might take issue with point #3, though as of late, you may agree with me. Ann Varanakis, you may take issue with number 4, and just about everyone I know will take issue with #5. None of you will disagree with #1. And I think a good portion of you will have to go to 'inoteca tomorrow night to prove me wrong on point #6.

That's the wisdom for the week. A long-ass entry.

For those of you who are wondering about the table and/or the miserable entry from last week:

1. The table is being delivered Friday, though I still owe a decent amount of money on it. Likely enough to feed a small nation for a month.
2. I have been feeling better about Eddie, as we are going to have lunch on Friday. What will come of it, I really don't know. All I know is I like having him in my life and felt bummed without him. So, we shall see!

Peace out, friends. I look forward to the large and impressively-priced gifts that you have all sent via FedEx to arrive on my doorstep tomorrow. I sure hope that somebody had the forethought to send me a set of six Emeco chairs for my new table.

Happy B-day to me!